Truth, justice and…

…not a lot of sleep. That’s what the modern superhero stands for. Apparently.

You see, in order to do this job, you have to be a bit a bit super and a bit of a hero. None of this Batman-just-being-a-rich-ninja-with-a-vendetta nonsense, I mean properly super and properly wanting to make a difference. Otherwise you will just quit. Or worse, you’ll do it badly and make other people want to quit.

I can’t help but feel that in addition to the newly proposed psychometric testing (aimed at, apparently, stopping people from doing it badly), the government might want to consider looking for – rather than simply waiting for – those that are super.

So, in the (albeit unlikely) event that the right Whitehall bod is reading this, I have taken the liberty of drafting something for the new TDA advert:

Be faster than a speeding detention-escapee, be more powerful than a fully charged Macbook and able to leap whole staircases in a single bound (in the 5 minutes between one bell and another). Be Super. Be a teacher.

I’m no advertising professional but it strikes me as a damn sight more accurate than ‘Use your head, Teach’, which simply has to be about the most misleading tag line for a career since the Royal Navy enticed a generation of drop outs with ‘See the world, differently’. (‘Differently’ meaning ‘from a boat and not at all close up – if at all’). No, teaching requires very little from your head. About as much as being in the Navy in the 90s required people to travel further than the Irish sea.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t permanently on the look out for nuclear waste in which to dip myself; all in the hopes of developing a super power so that I might just about manage in this crazy job.

However, in the absence of developing a mutant power, I will simply do with hoping that the desire to do a good job will be enough.

Until then, it’s sleep before midnight…

Or maybe I should wait up and see what happens if I come into contact with food or water?